Guide For What to Do If You Just Learned That He (or She) Cheated.

We want this post to be a light in the dark for those of you who just learned your spouse cheated in Texas.

This is not a psychology blog though. I am a family lawyer. This post is about family law, and the rights of a person that has been cheated on.

The information that you get from your friend is usually wrong. Your friend might tell you to “go tell the Judge about the cheating and win everything in a divorce”!

Another friend might tell you to forgive the affair and move on.

Our advice is neither.

Yes Wives Cheat, Too

Having spoken with many spouses, we know that both sides can cheat.

Yes, in fact having done hundreds of divorce consultations, if not thousands, I can tell you that many couples get divorced because a wife cheated on a husband.

However, for purposes of clarity, the rest of this post is written assuming that the cheater is the husband. The same information applies to both.

Judges Hear About Affairs Every Day.

Contrary to common conception, an affair does not create an automatic win for the victim spouse in Texas.

Real Information on The cheating spouse and divorce

It may be something you knew about for a while or even suspected. It may be something that you were shocked to find out.   In either event, when a spouse commits adultery, the victim spouse often expects the cheating to become a ‘trump card.’

The spouse that cheated should get nothing in this divorce, right?

The truth is that judges hear about affairs every day, and they have grown somewhat numb to the news.

The division of marital assets may favor the non-cheating spouse by 5-10%, in a best-case scenario, but nothing beyond that should be expected in today’s divorce. In some courts, the judges give no value whatsoever to evidence of adultery, and the non-cheating spouse receives no greater division of assets for the cheating spouse’s adultery.

A cheating spouse is also not likely to lose rights to raise his/her children due to the affair.

Now, a spouse who was supporting his/her paramour (mistress) financially for years, a spouse who is now abandoning his/her family to be with another person, or a spouse who leaves his/her spouse in a particularly difficult position… this is, or may be, different. In this scenario, a spouse that was cheated on should seek some temporary support payments to get back on his/her feet, and has the opportunity to make claims for “waste” or “reimbursement” for the funds spent on the cheating spouse’s paramour.

Say No to Forgive Me Flowers and Ask For This Instead.

If you are going to forgive the infidelity, first ask for a postnuptial agreement.

The Smart Way When You Aren’t Ready To Divorce- Get a Postnuptial Agreement.

Here’s the deal:

When he asks you to forgive him after you learn about the affair, do not accept the roses. Instead, ask for a post-nuptial agreement.

In your post-nuptial agreement, you can agree that in the event cheating occurs again, you will be given a larger portion of the estate, and you will be given alimony.

This legal mechanism is an outstanding tool of protection for spouses who have been cheated on and are not going to get divorced.

Remember, without a postnuptial agreement, the court cares little about the affair, and will give your spouse half of the money you’ve saved, most often regardless.

The postnuptial agreement is a way to take it out of the court’s hands and put it into your own hands. Set yourself up properly so that you can forgive your spouse and you can move ahead with predictability knowing what parts of your money and assets and debts you get to keep if you do get divorced.

Call Today For Your Postnuptial Agreement (210) 598-6344.

Part As Friends® Law Firm is here to help you.

Lastly, Do Collect Proof of the Affair


We just finished a divorce last week where wife would have received more money in the divorce if we could prove that there was an affair. She knew it, he knew it, but we didn’t have direct proof and so the Judge ruled that she could not find there was an affair. Collect evidence either by text message or email admission, or by private investigator. While the affair may not win a person everything in the divorce, every bit counts

About the Author- Megan Victoria Connor, Attorney

About the Author- Megan Victoria Connor, Attorney

Managing Partner of Connor & Connor

I would be honored to talk to you about your postnuptial agreement needs in Texas. My telephone consultations are free. Call today (210) 598-6344. I serve families throughout the entire state. My email address is [email protected].

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